Two Jokes

Opportunity

A man goes into a bank with a gun and demands money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks:

Did you see me robbing this bank?
The man replied:
Yes sir, I did.
The robber shot him instantly.
The robber then turned to a couple standing next to the dead body and asked the man:
Did you see me robbing this bank?
The man replied::
No sir, I did not, but my wife did.

MORAL:::
When opportunity knocks, make use of it.

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SICK LEAVE
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would let me take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and restore your energies for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,

'..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, 'I'm going home, too.

I can't work in the dark.'